Good One Journal

      

A Fresh Start

by Amy on December 28, 2015 · 0 comments

Oh, my gosh…this guy I used to fancy, the one I called Superman, is here! At Starbucks, the very place where I just happen to be. Sitting across the room slouched over his laptop, his face sexy-scruffy because it’s still the holidays. In my Old Life this discovery would have made me feel like I’d hit the jackpot, and this blog entry would have been entirely different. I would have written about trying to find an open seat next to him and then trying to strike up a conversation but of course finding no words as usual and then he would maybe smile at me and walk out the door while I stared after him with my mouth open and the inkling of a brilliant opening line yet residing on my tongue and I wouldn’t see him again for three years but he would become the subject all over again of my every love aspiration.

Boy, do I feel a hundred years older. Seeing him here today is mostly remarkable because I am completely unmoved. Instead I’m thinking, what the hell was I thinking? He is the EXACT KIND OF GUY I wasted my time on for the first 40 years of my life. Handsome dreamboat of a guy with slippery dark hair and movie-star blue eyes, towering over the mere mortals around him. I started calling him Superman because he was dressed like Clark Kent at a Halloween party when I first saw him, and I’m a sucker for the gorgeous nerdy look. My few encounters with him in the past, though, proved him to be an unfriendly sort and, frankly, kind of unintelligible when he talked. (Intelligible is always a good trait in your man, wouldn’t you agree?) In short, this kind of guy, my former type, no longer appeals to me in the least. That’s because this is my New Life.

Holy crap. I’m a mommy now! Of two beautiful, needy, fabulous, exhausting little ones. About four years ago I wrapped myself into a cocoon of babymaking and baby rearing and called off the search for a Good One. Four years later, like Rip Van Winkle waking after 20 years of slumber, a bear emerging from a long winter’s hibernation, a caterpillar on the beautiful end of metamorphosis, well, you get the point, I’m a whole different me. And the new me has no time or inclination for sexy-scruffy-faced jerks. I’d rather take a bubblebath.

The really cool thing about where I am in my life now, though, is that I have different goals. Well, no goals, really. Before babies, even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I always felt in a hurry, the need to find Perfect Daddy so I could be a mommy. I’m now a mommy. Turns out I didn’t need Perfect Daddy to make this happen, although it may have been a nicer way to go about the whole affair.

But now I’m not in a hurry. Except on the occasion there’s a snake in the garage, I’ve pretty much got it covered. And jumping to the top of my list of appealing traits in a Good One is someone who will rub my feet and make me a pasta dinner with chocolate for dessert and generally worship me despite the dark circles under my eyes and my formerly baby-stuffed tummy pouch. Slippery dark hair? Whatevs. Come to think of it, as I study him more closely now (covertly of course so he doesn’t think I’m a weirdo), his slippery dark hair is threaded with silver. Anyway, poor guy. It’s not like I ever knew him in the first place. He’s probably perfectly nice, and now he’s the star of my blog entry about Jerks. It’s not his fault he looks like Superman.

It’s like when you go to the mall after Christmas, just because, not to buy a gazillion gifts. “Just browsing today?” the sales clerk asks. “Yep. Just looking,” you respond, as you flip through the different options on the racks. How nice that the busy season is over and you have the time to do so. And how fun when just browsing leads to that pair of jeans that fits you perfectly and that you wear for the next twenty years. Or maybe it doesn’t and you just keep browsing and enjoying the classical music playing overhead and sipping your coffee and appreciating what you have at home.

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Good One Journal

      

Love in Its Many Forms: Introducing My Little Valentine

by Amy on February 14, 2013 · 3 comments

This year on Valentine’s Day, this single girl will not…

…wear all black,

…or bemoan her lonesomeness,

…or play sad love songs on her iPod at the gym while stealing wistful glances at that guy oblivious to her the next treadmill over,

…or elevate chocolate above sex because the former is more accessible (although she undoubtedly will eat some chocolate and, let’s face it, chocolate is damn near perfect and pretty hard to beat),

…or feel left out as flowers are delivered to every other woman around her at the office while she sucks away on yet another Hershey’s Special Dark Kiss from the pile on her desk,

…or brazenly declare her independence, because who needs a man, anyway, and Valentine’s Day is a dumb holiday.

That’s because this year on Valentine’s Day, this single girl has a new man in her life! What say you…single girl + man? However does that work?

I’m only going to say this once (or at least not a whole lot), and I’ve been hesitant to say it at all for fear that this singles blog will turn into yet another mommy blog (that’s a topic for an entirely different book)…but as I lie here in bed early on the morn of Valentine’s Day 2013, I must finally confess that I am not alone.  From what seems like the very depths of my soul but is in fact the depths of my swollen lower abdomen comes the pitter-patter of tiny hiccups.  Any minute (or day) now, my little man-to-be will send shooting pains contracting around my uterus and I will grab my long-packed suitcase and dash off to the hospital in a panic to finally meet my tiny new Valentine face to face.  And I already know it will be love at first sight.

Gosh, it was so cliché, but I was getting to that age where Mr. Right just didn’t seem to be coming…I’d seen so many of my friends move through that stage and onto the other side of fertility, in some cases content that their role in life was not to be a mommy, but in other cases, as some have expressed to me with tears shining in their eyes, wondering what might have been. For me, at least, I didn’t want to wonder, or regret that I’d waited too long and “missed the boat.” Fast-forward nine months and here I am, this independent chronic single girl about to have the constant presence of a new little man by her side.

Have I given up on finding the Darcy to my Elizabeth, the Danny to my Sandy, the Harry to my Sally?  Not at all.  In fact, I’m excited to see what the new circle of eligible single daddies adds to the realm of romantic possibilities…when I’m ready to get back out there. But I love not feeling the pressure to have to find a baby daddy. Instead, when I’m ready, I can look for compatibility, for a friend, for love, plain and simple. Maybe I’ll find him when I’m 50, or 70, but at least I won’t have this arbitrary ticking clock of a deadline beating in my heart.

But on this Valentine’s Day I’m not pining away for romance (although I may just pop out to the kitchen in a minute to find some dark chocolate).  On this Valentine’s Day, my heart is too full of this new and unfamiliar love…the natural and instinctive and unconditional love of a mommy for this little heartbeat radiating inside me.

On this Valentine’s Day, single friends, may you cherish love in all its different forms, whether you’ve a date with your own Darcy, or a son or a daughter or a niece or a nephew with whom to decorate sugar cookies in pinks and purples, or a mom or a dad you don’t call often enough who deserves a ring, or a batch of great girlfriends and a shared bottle of champagne and the last few episodes of “The Bachelor” on DVD, or your best feline or canine pal who bestows on you loving purrs or sloppy kisses when you arrive home from work.

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My Journey to Single: Choosing the Road Less Traveled, or Just Dumb Luck?

January 29, 2013

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ~ Robert Frost (March 26, 1874-January 29, 1963) Point A: A polyester-pants-clad little girl in North Dakota embarking on her life’s journey.  Who will she become?  Oh, dear, so many forks in [...]

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Dove Chocolates and Their Empty Love Promises (Burp)

January 13, 2013

I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day (for obvious reasons), but I am a big fan of Valentine’s Day candy.  As I munch away on the season’s finest cherry M&M’s and Dove Strawberry Crème and Chocolate Swirl Heart Promises, I entertain myself by reading the “sweet nothing” messages inside the foil Dove wrappers.  (Is [...]

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The Evolution of a Princess: What Prince?

June 30, 2012

The Prince Rescues the Princess I was around my five-year-old niece’s age when I met my first Disney princesses onscreen in the grand princess trilogy of Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  I watched with bated breath as the handsome prince saved his princess each time, twice with a kiss powerful enough to rouse her [...]

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’50 Shades’ Is Just Bad (But I Read Every Word)

April 21, 2012

It has ridiculous lines like, “Oh, baby, welcome to my world” (this by hero Christian to heroine Ana after he introduces her to spanking…yes, I said spanking). It has a conventional (almost) plot.  Jeans-wearing bookish virgin new college grad Anastasia Steele falls for tycoon prince charming Christian Grey, whom she quickly discovers comes in 50 [...]

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The Case for the Boy Next Door

February 4, 2012

Every night, five hot men appear before me like a criminal line-up.  These men are, for the most part, the type I’ve always fancied.  Clever, not a spelling out of place, good-hearted, ambitious, hilarious, and even more important: straight and available and looking.  And even better, I have all the power.  After studying each man, [...]

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What We Singles Can Learn from Tebow (A Pep Talk)

January 14, 2012

I wasn’t raised on football like the rest of you (gasp!), and I had no clue who in the world this Tim Tebow person was until long after the rest of the world. He’s become impossible not to know, though, and today someone passed along from a recent Tebow speech his philosophy for success: 1) [...]

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Would Love Find You Faster If Your Delete Button Stopped Working?

December 26, 2011

The glass tipped and, before I could say *^@#$^!, the water splashed onto my laptop keyboard, not in one big slosh but in innocent enough droplets onto select keys, specifically onto my prize “delete” key.  I heard — no, I smelled, a sizzle, and then I was without. Without the ability to delete — gasp.  [...]

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Falling Back…a Possible Explanation

November 6, 2011

His name was Scott, and he was not from my Tiny Town (population 1,000) but, ever more excitingly, a Small Town (population 10,000) 60 miles away.  Naturally I promptly set my sights on him.  Plus, he and I had attended the same computer camp back when we were 11, even though he likely didn’t have [...]

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