Mature Single? I Beg to Differ

by Amy on November 6, 2009 · 0 comments, My Kitchen Counter. “You seem like a very mature woman for your age.” No, no, no, no, no! I just reactivated my account for the tenth six-month subscription period. And, since I’ve hit this particularly magical year in my thirties, I’ve suddenly been categorized as a “mature” single. As a “mature” single, each time I log into my Gmail account, Google, Facebook or just about anywhere else in cyberspace that has access to my birthdate, I’m bombarded with those ads for “mature singles” featuring photos of hot men with silver hair winking at me.

How did I come to deserve this? I’m only in the third decade of my life, people. I’m immature as can be! I mean, I still eat Sour Patch Kids. For dinner sometimes!  And DVR “The Hills” even though Lauren is no longer on, and giggle about people behind their backs.

Because I now qualify as a “mature” single, although science begs to differ, men in my age range automatically assume I’m 1) sterile, 2) flabby and 3) always suffering a “can’t be bothered now” headache. Men twenty years my senior, however, ignore my stated age-range preference excluding them from my taste in mates, perhaps thinking I can’t lure a man my own age anymore so I’ll settle for the Viagra-fueled option rather than go without.

So no surprise this morning that the first suitor who pops up in my Match email box is 50. And he has the nerve to say, like it will convince me, “You seem like a very mature woman for your age.” No, no, no, no, no! So not true! Sir, I’m eating all the marshmallows out of a box of Lucky Charms. Carry on with your black coffee and plain toast. And a WOMAN YOUR OWN AGE, who’s likely griping because some man with no teeth is emailing her.

Good One Rating: 2 out of 10 (the mature man wasn’t bad looking)

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