To Labor in the Love Game or Let Fate Do the Work

by Amy on September 6, 2010 · 1 comment

Happy Labor Day!  Are you hard at work today…on finding love?  Or have you stored your perfume back in your get-a-man tool box under the theory that, if you stop working so hard, love will find you naturally?  I tend to be Goldilocks on this topic.  Here’s what I mean:

Too Hot

I’m talking leaping from one relationship to the next, simply because you need to have a man by your side, regardless of whether he’s a good man.  I’m talking taking up his hobbies and forgetting you have a life, too.  I’m talking ignoring your conversation with your friends at a party because you’re busy looking wildly around for a man to meet.  I’m talking needing a man to complete you.  You know all those clichés.  Don’t be those clichés.  You’re trying too hard, and he can tell.         

Too Cold

One of my guy friends here in Nashville (you know who you are, Mr.!) is taking a break from the dating game.  His m.o. is to focus on his hobbies, make friends, and let love find him.  I’ve tried this before.  The problem is threefold.  First, not to be cheesy, but you can’t turn off your heart.  Er, not if you want it to continue beating.  So you can tell your brain not to look, but your insides are still taking a peek.

Also, if you stuff yourself inside your she-cave, stop shaving your legs, wear a bathrobe to the grocery store, and swear off all members of the opposite sex as a-holes, you’re making it impossible for Cupid’s arrow to find you when Cupid does happen along.     

Finally, as to immersing yourself in your hobbies (a/k/a doing what you love and finding someone who loves what you love in the process):  I’m a chick.  I love chick things: wine bars, book clubs, cooking classes, shopping for lip gloss at the MAC counter, pilates, art museums.  Maybe in the most contemporary of cities, men-seeking-women show up at these chick haunts.  In Nashville, men are more likely to be found hunting cute little animals or watching “the game” or chasing after a golf ball. 

Just Right

I think, like anything you want, you have to work at it if you want Mr. Right, but not too hard.  Don’t give up the things you love — don’t give up you! — for him, because he, after all, wants you if he’s worth anything.  But don’t become so into you that you close yourself off to him.  Shave your legs, not only because it’s gross if you don’t, but because, well, you never know.  And don’t shut yourself up in your she-cave.  You don’t have to take up shooting cute little animals, but there are crossroads where men and women naturally converge, like the gym or the park or the coffee shop or the grocery.  You have to show up for the interview to get the job, after all, and you wouldn’t show up for a job interview in a dirty T-shirt and flip-flops.  Be yourself, but be open to others.   

Now, then, get to work.  After that yoga class just for you.

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September 6, 2010 at 9:28 am

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